I've been spending a lot of time lately in meditation.  Any time my mind gets too noisy, I close my eyes and clear my mind, or do any number of techniques that I have these days to refocus, recenter.  I go into such a deep place that most times I fall asleep.  I'm not sure what to think of this - it's inconvenient at best, but perhaps my body craves this kind of rest.

It's amazing to me now that I'm more aware just how distracted I get on a daily basis.  Any number of things (people, noises, etc.) take me out of my functioning.  But, I keep going back, telling myself how I'm worth the time and effort.

It gets easier with time, but I can see how this is a lifelong pursuit - the quest for a quiet mind.  It's my yearning to know God through knowing myself.  My critical self bucks up, blows fire, rages on - and after a while, I see it for the tantrum it is.  I surrender and release.  Back to the center.

My husband is really into TED talks.  He watched them fervently, sharing all he's gleaned, dripping tidbits onto me - knowledge he thinks I must have.  And I can't disagree.

A few weeks ago, it's hard to remember exactly when, he asked me if I had read Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert, because she had given a TED talk about creative genius, and he thought I might get something out of it.  The book had been in my "must read someday" list, so I gave her talk a listen.  I was really moved.

I decided to partake of her journey, and I was transformed.  I gobbled it up in record time.  That is, my head became so filled with thoughts that I had to decompress before moving on.  I went to meditate, because I needed to think in the quiet and let everything wash over me.  This resulted, more times than not, in my falling into a very deep sleep.

We're currently living with my parents, and so they are quite concerned with the amount of "sleep" I've been having lately.  I have tried to explain that I'm only sleeping the normal amount (or even less) but that the rest of the time has been in deep contemplative meditation.  They remain guarded.

I finished the book last night and of course needed time to fully grok what was going on inside me.  It was bedtime at least.  I got comfortable and sleep would not come, but this was okay with me.  I concentrated on my breathing letting my mind concentrate on nothing and everything.  Soon, I was fast asleep, dreaming a most amazing dream.

In this dream, I met my new teacher.  My previous spirit teacher had been a mixture of Ringo Starr and George Carlin's Rufus character from the Bill & Ted movie, wearing a long black robe and sunglasses.  This new teacher is quite different.  First of all, my teacher is a woman.  She is Indian, and looks to be in her 40s.  A mixture of traditional and modern, she is my kind of woman.  Sitting in the lotus position, she invited me to sit down and share tea with her.  We talk, and I feel free to be myself, questioning, listening, absorbing.  I ask, "Are you my new teacher?" She nods, and asks in return, "Is this ok with you?"  I smile and nod back at her.  "Oh yes." 

I don't remember much else, but I woke up feeling centered and focused. 

I randomly picked a tarot card today, something I do now and again, but not on a daily basis.  The card was The Hierophant.  I'm told that this card represents perhaps finding a Master, so I'm not at all surprised.  In fact, when I pay attention, these coincidences feel less like random moments, but planned signs that were always there, if I was only paying attention.

I'm paying attention now.

Reading books for me has always been better than television.  My answer is short, but sweet.  There is nothing better than diving into a really good book and being transported to another time or place, or learning about something new. 

I would call it "Electroconnect" for no particular reason.

I would look at everything!  I would study the faces of my loved ones, pictures, flowers, trees, colors, foods, ... I would look at books of colors, and memorize them.  I would drive around my city and see everything so I could picture it in my mind later.  I might even study music, so I could visualize passages. 

The first place I go online is to gmail.com to check my email.  Then I head over to Gather.com to check my account there. 

I really love painting with acryllic paint on canvas.  There is something relaxing about mixing the paints, creating something new and unique, letting the brush take me where it wants to go...  I have made several rough paintings that I just adore, and if I don't like it when it dries, I can paint over it and start again!  It's a win-win situation for me!

I had the most overwhelming experience when I was 15.  We went to France for a school trip, and saw all sorts of things.  The Eiffel Tower, The Mona Lisa, la Pont D'avignon - But, nothing topped the feelings I had entering Sacre Coeur Cathedral in Montmartre - Paris.  First of all, the building is on the top of the hill and is as white as snow, and illuminated at night.  But walking in, I felt compelled to pray.

This was the first moment when nothing was more important to me than connecting myself to God.  I looked around briefly, but sat mostly on my knees in prayer, deep in communion.  I felt so at peace, and so alive.  I knew right then that my life would never be the same.

I do believe happiness is a choice.  I think there are other circumstances which influence this choice - sometimes our body chemistry works against us, and life happenings too... But overall?  Yes, happiness is a mindset that we can choose for ourselves.

How do we choose happiness?  I think society wants us to be unhappy so we use more of our resources to gain our happiness.  Our time, our energy, our money, our knowledge...  But those things are only a means to an end.  Happiness is looking around you and being present and grateful for what we have.  It's saying THANK YOU to the universe for providing the basic necessities of life.  It's helping others who aren't as fortunate as we might be. 

Happiness is a choice and I try to make it daily.  I hope you will too!

While I am proud of my accomplishments, I am MORE proud of my character because I am really happy with myself.  I am proud of the person I am inside, and no amount of awards or jobs or money could make up for that.  It would pay the bills, but I wouldn't feel whole.

What about my character am I proud of?  I am a very caring person.  I try to live as honestly and openly as posible.  I try to give of myself whenever I am able.  I know when to say no, and I know when to say yes.  I know my limits, but I also try to push myself a bit because that's when we grow.